…”In your minds eye, see the door at the end of the hallway. You want to go through it. It beckons you. Walk through the doorway. See that it leads to a set of stairs. You decide to go down the staircase. down, down, there, you find yourself at a beautiful landing. Look around, appreciate the wonder, feel the air and get a sense of the beauty there.

Now go down deeper, down the next step of stairs, and there you find an exquisite place. the scenery is breathtaking, the air gives you comfort. Everything is beautiful. Ask to be shown what it is you need to know….

Back on my couch with Esther Wiener; doing work that I began to help a child of mine who is struggling. After all, mother and daughter are connected, and my daughter’s healing has very much to do with me.

She began with something I can only call a hypnosis. I went down so deep I didn’t feel my body. Time and space contracted, until all that was real was what I saw in my mind’s eye.

And so I stood there, in that scene with the rolling hills and the warm wind and I asked, “Show me what I need to see.”

In truth, I didn’t really need to ask, because when I went down, it was already there – the whole scene playing out before me.

A scene from my happy childhood. Only in this scene I wasn’t happy. I was very sad. I watched my little self with a kind of compassionate awareness.

“Off to the side, you see a bench, and someone is on it. Someone very wise, who you can ask all your questions to.  You go over to the bench and sit beside them to ask, to unburden.”

I walked over to the being, a gentle being, and I had a sense that it was there just for me.

I felt the pain unleash.

“Why?” Why did it have to be this way?”

“They knew no other way.”

“But it caused me so much pain! It hurt so much!”

“Yes, childhood has its pains. All childhoods do. You needed that pain.”

“I did?”

“So now you can help others to not experience it.”

Lightness. Clarity. – It wasn’t just because, it was for a reason. And I had a  mission. I had a message to bring to people!

I felt released from years of weight. All anger dissipated. I was so buoyant that I turned around and began to fly away to begin my mission.

In the background I heard Esther say “… Thank the being for all that its taught you and then  begin on your way.”

I turned around embarrassed.”I didn’t even thank you! [I was just ready to take the gift you gave me and run with it!] What’s your name?”

“Its okay, I understand you meant well, you were excited to do good. “My name is Unconditional Love.”

For a moment, the earth stood still. Then the waves came. They knocked me over with their brilliant clarity, their rightness, my smallness. Everything I understood up until that point was nothing.

Life as it  seemed wasn’t even the surface of the surface of reality. It was maybe a shell, or rather a husk, easily blown away to reveal its true essence.

Love. unconditional love.

Even in my subconscious I knew I hadn’t met G-d . You can’t meet G-d – or can you?

It suddenly seemed possible. After all, what’s the sunlight? What’s are trees? What are children? What are tears? What are friendships and struggles and breathe itself. It’s all G-d.

It’s all Hashem, pouring abundant, endless, unconditional, compassionate love on every single thing, down to the smallest blade of grass peeking out from the crack in the sidewalk.

And the mitzvos, they’re also love. Keys  to the secret of happiness. A gift. A treasure.

And then, it wasn’t  a being anymore, not a beard or a robe – even that was a husk. There was light, only brilliant light. And I knew that the Light wanted me, us, to take that love, fill up with it and overflow with it to the world.

Reflect it. Copy it. Shine with it. Enjoy it. Be it.

When I came back up, back to my fingers and toes, back to my couch, I had a sense of connection that I’ve been carrying with me since.

—————————–

Is a blog a place to share this – the deepest depths of my thoughts?

I don’t think so. But what else can I do?

I can speak philosophy and quote verses that say “Just as G-d is merciful, you be merciful.” and many more. It’s all in the Torah, none of this is new. But I found out today that it’s all in us too. I need to tell you that it’s not about religion, its reality! And I need to share that with you.

There’s so much love being showered down on all of us every moment, and my heart tells me “Yell it on the mountains!” Tell the world! The love brings comfort. The love gives us strength. You are loved. You are seen.

You are seen.

That’s all I have to say. That’s all I can say. I hope you feel the rest.

G-d bless the world – no exceptions.

I’m still not completely grounded. My heart is pounding and I’m a little shaky. But good shaky. The kind of trembles you get after birth when both your body and your soul have gone through an intense experience and touched the Divine.

The past hour was spent on my couch with Esther Wiener, a gifted and intuitive energy healer. I’ve known Esther for a while, but just recently in synagogue as I was doling out hugs and greetings, Esther put her hand on my back and rocked my world.

I tried to keep chatting, but I couldn’t. I felt a buzzing, comforting energy.

It felt like she was holding my heart in her hand.

“How did you know I needed it there?.”

“I just knew.”

“Whatever you’re doing, don’t stop!”

In the gentlest voice she answered. It’s not me, it’s Hashem, and He’s limitless, there’s as much as you need.”

Tears prickled in my eyes. “Thank you.”

“I’ll be calling you.”

Sitting on the couch today I spent an hour letting go of traumas and hurts and filling the spaces with Divine  Light. None of this is metaphorical. It all happened. On an energy level, I felt the draining, I felt the healing.

And Chev, my dear sister – in – law, you were there too. When Esther asked me to tell her about my pregnancy with Minky, a picture came to mind. I saw you standing off the to the side with your children.

I didn’t know if that was significant, but  she said, “Hold on to that.”

“”Now I want you to envision that Chev is here. She’s in the room and she’s in a protective bubble of light. You can’t hurt her. She’s okay.

What do you want to say to her?”

A lump filled my throat.

“I don’t know.”

Quiet.

“Can you hear what she’s saying to you?”

“”I can.”

Chev, you said “Rif, I love you. I want you to have everything!”

And more.

I felt you telling me that even though you were in pain of widowhood, it wasn’t a bitter pain. You didn’t begrudge me anything. When you came with us to the hospital for the birth, unconsciously it was unbearable for me. I couldn’t stand the fact that I was with Bezalel and would soon have a baby and you were alone.

I hurt so much for you and I didn’t know what to do with it.

But today you taught me something new. I now know that even though it was painful, you loved unconditionally without jealousy.  I understand now that your relationship with Hashem was so deep, it carried you through places,  that I couldn’t even begin to imagine.

You carry pain, but not bitterness.

I was  only seeing you from my knee high level. But you were head and shoulders above me in love.

“I love you Rif,” you said. And I believed you. I felt your kindness and I let the pain go.

An image appeared of you and me and Bezalel in the hospital room and a glow surrounded all of us. It moved throughout the whole room. In that glow was the knowledge that we all were exactly where we needed to be, playing out our lives.

That story and the stories that came after that, are the perfectness of Life. We are where we need to be.

I don’t need to fight it. Every single thing is from a Source that is Good.

I don’t need to control it. I don’t need to fix it. It’s not broken.

I felt like a child in Hashem’s hands.

The pain that was in my heart  came pouring out. It flowed and drained until it was a mere trickle. And then – it left.

So this is for you Chev. You’re still teaching me about love even from thousands of miles away.

I love you too.

                                                                                          (Chev, now, with her dear husband Paul)

I saw this gem on the bulletin board at a therapists office. I hope it helps you as much as it helped me.

When I feel responsible FOR others…

I fix

protect

rescue

control                                                                                       

carry their feelings

don’t listen

I feel…tired                                                                                                                

anxious

fearful

liable

I am concerned with                                                                                                

the solutions

answers

circumstances

being right

details

performance

I am a manipulator.

I expect the person to live up to my expectations.

——————-

When I feel responsible TO others

I show empathy

encourage

share

confront

level                                                                                           

am sensitive

listen

I feel…relaxed

free

aware

high self esteem

I am concerned with:

relating person to person

feelings

the person

I believe that if I just share myself ,

the other person has enough to make it.

I am a helper -guide.

I expect the person to be responsible for himself and his own actions.

I can trust and let go

———————————–

Hi Rivka, I just watched your video on how the “secret” is affecting you. It really hit home for me. We’ve been working on our health for the past year, and now it’s time to work on our thoughts. I can’t wait to watch “The Secret” documentary after Shabbos.

I wanted to write to you because a lot of what you’ve said that you felt, I felt too when we decided that health was important to us.
About a year ago, I was talking to a woman in shul, and she told me how her mother died of cancer and her father became vegan and she did too. She said that it prevents cancer among many other deceases. She recommended that I watch “Forks over Knives”. I didn’t believe her at the time, and really didn’t want to watch it. Deep down I knew that if there was a validity to it, I and my whole family would have to change.

That documentary changed our lives, physically, mentally, and spiritually. It led us to many other documentaries and and websites, and to make many changes in our lives. We changed how we think about food, health, and our government. Meanwhile, we saw many people we know die from  preventable diseases and it was so painful to watch and know that we couldn’t help them.

We see it all over. Many f us would rather suffer terrible health problems, and undergo surgeries, than to change what they eat. The desire for food is just way too strong.

We’ve seen so many improvements in my family and really hope that more people will awaken to a better diet. It’s helped us with all of our physical issues and gave us  more alert and clear heads and more energy. I also believe that the more control you have over your tiavas (base desires) in food will help you with all the other tiavas,The better we eat, the healthier, longer, and more productive our lives will be to do mitzvos and study Torah ’til 120 IY”H.

I’m sorry for such a long e-mail. I have lots of tips to transition to a healthier diet, and a google doc with healthy recipes that we liked, if you’re interested.

-Leah

Amazing info from Leah below! Including her recipes!

Some tips on Plant-based living:

http://nutritionfacts.org is a great website with hundreds of short videos by Dr. Gregger, who talks about what food does to your body, which food is the most nutritious, and the benefits of a plant-based diet looking at the leading studies. Also watch Uprooting the Leading Causes of Death for for an all encompassing lecture by Dr. GreggerLink to my meal/recipes and google doc: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TBFTIpr7w2XeM7jR9jFTgOeW4wp7EbiXHDqvuKJKq-0/edit?usp=sharingWatch some documentaries and videos on youtube or hulu:
Fork over knives
Genetic Roulette
Food Inc
Fat, sick, and nearly dead

Well I told you I’d update you on how our juicing is going. Firsts thing you should know – I finished my juice fast. I was on it for Wed, Thurs, and Fri and after light Shabbos eating, I was on it for Sunday and part of Monday. It’s been awesome.

Over Pesach I weaned myself from Splenda, that used to go in my coffee twice a day. I also started making my coffee half decaf to prepare so the withdrawal wouldn’t be so hard.

The basic idea of juicing is that  1)it floods your body with vitamins and minerals and brings health and nutrition to your cells at the deepest level. 2) it gives your other organs a chance to detox and heal. they’re “on vacation” from digestion.

The actual detox reminds me of a trip I took long ago. I had to be out of the country with my three kids by myself for a month. I managed okay. I really thought I was doing great.  But when I got home, I walked into my apartment and burst into tears. All that pent up emotion just burst through.

Our bodies, they manage – even when we’re rough on them. But when we give them a break, when we stop masking thecompromised state - it bursts into tears. And out comes all the bad stuff.

Day 1 – Felt great. (My husband, had a crashing headache by the end of the day though..)

Day 2 – Had a headache, my eyes were hurting, I climbed into bed a few times during the day. It was tough. I was really detoxing.

Day 3 – Felt good. My energy was steady and light. My eyes got more clear. I started seeing in HD! Not at all hungry – slight ache in my legs but overall had nice energy. No midday slump!

Day 4 – I felt amazing! Alive! It was Shabbos so I had to eat. I had matzah and chicken soup and some veggie’s and a small portion of fruit.  I walked an easy two miles.

Day 5 – My energy was so great. It filled me with lightness and motivation. I started my day at 7:30 am, ran around with the kids all day and still felt amazing!

In terms of hunger though, it was a harder day because my body got used to food over Shabbos. But I was told to expect it so it was ok

Day 6  – I felt amazing…. but hungry. Midday I ate. I think if I would have held out until the day was over, the hunger would have passed and my body would have adjusted. I feel ok with it though.

Today is Day 7. Today is where the real work begins, making better food choices. I have been avoiding flour and sugar (aside from Shabbos matzah) for about 3 years, but my body was still not responding well to the foods I was eating. Even a meal of cooked veggie’s could sometimes exhaust me, sending me for a nap midday or a slump after dinner.

When we were putting back the food in the pantry after Passover, the foods that were highly processed and had chemicals or white flour I just didn’t want.

It’s an interesting thing and its teaching me a lot about how people work. My own neighbor has spoken to me about Diet Coke and other products, but it was just a conversation – nothing I was ready to hear. I wanted my Diet Coke!

Its only now that I’m ready that I can make  changes. And even now – I’m not fully open. I know that there are many levels of clean and healthful eating, but I’m taking it one step at a time.

What stuck with me from the video’s that  I watched (Fat, Sick and Nearly dead and Hungry For Change) was two bits of info that I had never really integrated.

First of all, the idea that every single fruit and vegetable has tremendous nutritional value. though I’m stating the obvious, it wasn’t until I saw the vitamin chart that I realized that even something as light and humble as a piece of celery or an onion gives us so much. http://www.rebootwithjoe.com/eating/a-z-fruit-veggies/

Secondly, the idea of chemicals and  how they sit in our body potentially   messing around with our cells and our well  bring; their link to cancer. I learned that aloe and chia seeds are some of the few things that will bind to the chemicals and release them from your body. I was pleasantly surprised to find that shopper’s, a local supermarket sells individual aloe leaves.

So what did I eat today? I ate lightly, an orange, peanuts, and 2 Juices, later on I had 2 healthy granola – date bars. (Each juice is like a large salad)

The interesting part is that I’ve dieted before and I’ve  been on a no flour, no sugar food plan for a while, but this is a whole new message for my brain. It’s not at all about deprivation or limits. Eating smaller quantities and raw fruits and veggies is a way of taking care of myself, because I want to feel good. And digesting your food takes a lot of energy for your body! that’s energy that I really want to have. Having felt what it was like I don’t want to lose it.

My friend Leah came over and made a video with me which I’ll put up soon. One thing she said to me that struck me was “People are often vegetarians because they care so much about animals. Isn’t caring about ourselves important too?”

Side benefits -

1.My son who would rather starve than eat something thats not pizza has started taking apples to school (as he proudly tells me.)

2.No guilt about what I buy in the supermarket.

3.I walked into the office and my friend Vicki said “you lost weight!” that’s always nice

4. My eyesight is incredible – the world is just so pretty.

5. I’m off of caffeine and I’m liking this calmer person that I am. 

Juice Recipes

Green Dream

1 bunch kale

1 apple

1 lemon

1 zuchinni

(optional) small slice of ginger

 Sunny Day

2 carrots

1 orange

1 lemon

1 celery

(optional) slice of aloe vera

For tons of juice recipes,  salads and great articles to get started on eating healthier, click HERE

Thanks to all my Fb friends for your advice and encouragement!

Inspired by my brother in law, Sony, who has been living in The Secret for the past three months, I am officially ready for a super amazing, incredible life!

Sony has always been awesome, talented, compassionate and slightly nuts. But now, he’s all that plus he’s HAPPY. I mean happy in a relaxed, feel good good way.

Happy in a way that gives him energy, vitality and a shine in his eyes.  He also lost 50 lb’s and cut back from 3 jobs to 2 and has started running, skiing and juicing.

So of course, I want some of that. I want TONS of it. So I had to watch The Secret.

And I did – last night. And I’m psyched.

For the past little while I’ve been out of sorts. My inner vision had been blurry. Self doubt began to creep into my thoughts, depleting me of energy.  And even  though I’d been going to bed at reasonable hours – I wasn’t feeling much better. But I won’t dwell on that – because that’s not The Secret. I would dwell on it though – in the past. I would ruminate and analyze and fret.

No more. Today – I live with happiness, and confidence that all my dreams will come true and the road ahead is paved with blessing beyond my wildest imagination. My home atmosphere is about to get a major upgrade!

The Secret is not New age wisdom – there are hundreds of places in the Toah that point to this reality, maybe thousands. Many of us have just missed them – we got dragged down by our own negativity.

Here are some I thought of.

The Lubavitcher Rebbe used to say – and this is a mantra for his Chssidim “think good and it will be good”

The Midrash says that in the dessert enough manna fell each day for 2,000 years though the Israelites were only permitted to gather enough for one day – in order to teach us the law of abundance.

In Psalms it says, “(You) open your hand and satiate every person’s will.” (In hebrew, ratzon, your inner desire)

when we say blessings, we say them in the present tense – we pray for someone who is sick and then we say G-d, who heals the sick.” Rather than, G-d, who will please heal the sick.

We have books and books on bitachon – confidence in G-d. And a wonderful book which I highly recommend all about how gratitude is the basis for everything good in our lives, “The Garden of Gratitude.”

This is just a speck in the ocean – just my mornings thoughts about how I see the secret through the filter of Torah. But truthfully you don’t even have to get that deep. Universal truth is simply true.

Last night I wrote out my vision for what I want – and it was amazingly clear. It turns out I was only unclear when I let the negative thoughts in. Inside, I know what I want. and today, I’ll be working on my vision board. I have countless stories to tell you about how The secret works. But I’ll stop here and let you watch the movie…. Lets talk again soon. I’ll share my stories and I can’t wait to hear yours. To be continued….

This video covers some fun ides, the basic mission plan and a story to take with you as you embark.

Have you seen the spoof “Guess who’s coming for Seder?”  It’s hilarious. It’s also not too far form how many feel about going to family for Seder. Oy vey!

This video is for you.

Coming up – How I clean for Pesach and How to Make a Seder for your first time.

Please feel free to add whatever you think I left out. Thanks!