By Rivka Perlman

October 14, 2012

Hurting People – My Husband’s’ Take

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWNmOIEXXy8

Although I took down the video, you can see the comments below that it evoked. Before I took it down, I hesitated and I thought, ” Maybe I’m just a wimp, a people pleaser and¬†I don’t¬†like confrontation.”

But it’s not true.¬†It’s way deeper than that.

Some people like controversy.¬†Controversy is a topic that many people disagree on and most often all the parties involved¬†are sticking to their position. So¬† essentially it’s ¬†a game of who can speak¬†louder or who can bash who. It’s not necessarily a search for truth.

In the search for truth, I’d rather make things that we do agree on, my starting point.¬†Values¬†like kindness and being sensitive to one another. Like understanding that we’re simple human beings with limited knowledge and none of us knows the why things happen, only G-d does.¬† Values like love and caring and honesty.

I took down the video because if it doesn’t bring people together with our core values, I’m not interested.

I also had my certain discomforts with the video, but I understood that¬†for that time and place it somehow worked and I don’t claim to know everything, so I bypassed my feelings. There are many different paths. How ever the video struck you, the real criticism is with my judgementt in¬†putting it up in this forum.

Beyond any philosophical discussion, the MAIN thing, is not to cause another pain. There is no end to the degrees we need to go in order to not hurt another person. And for this I apologize for putting it up.

                                                                          

A sampling of the comments from the video I had posted.

Hi Judy, I was not upset with Rivka Malka, she did preface the video as you said.  Rather, I question that the rabbi would suggest that covering her hair might change her situation.  What if she had not borne children?  How would she feel and what would the rabbi say then? Anyway, it is my opinion that she was destined to have a child at that time, whether she covered her hair or not. I don’t think we are to expect things for following Hashem’s laws.It is an interesting discussion for sure.  Can segulah’s or taking on a mitzvah change our destiny?  I guess that is where I am coming from.Thank you for the brocho.  I have accepted my situation, and am past childbearing, so no chance for that kind of news. Luckily, I have stepchildren whom I love.  There will always be my wish to have borne my own child(ren), but this is how Hashem wanted it to be.  I have much to be grateful for.  And again, I apologize if I came off as critical.

It is an interesting discussion for sure. Can segulah’s or taking on a mitzvah change our destiny? I guess that is where I am coming from.

Thank you for the brocho. I have accepted my situation, and am past childbearing, so no chance for that kind of news. Luckily, I have stepchildren whom I love. There will always be my wish to have borne my own child(ren), but this is how Hashem wanted it to be. I have much to be grateful for. And again, I apologize if I came off as critical.

To the anonymous writer who is going through so much pain (above) Rivka Malka actually did introduce the video with a note which i think you perhaps missed highlighting the fact that there are many reasons for a woman to be barren and this is not pretending to be a magic cure but there is a koach when people take on mitzvos, and this rabbi is seen as a channel for brochos. I too found the video a little unreal and that it made light of a very painful real problem, but the fact is in this lady and I’m sure there are other stories too, there was brocho for her taking on the mitzva to cver her hair.  My point really was that you should read RM’s note under the video again. I wish you much brocho and hatzlocho! May we share in good news from you soon.

I love your site, but as a woman who has never been blessed with children, even while covering my hair, I find this a little simplistic and angering.  While there are plenty of reasons to cover your hair, it is not a magic potion.  Hashem decided this woman should have a child.  Simple as this.  We do not get things because we follow the laws…otherwise all women covering their hair would have children.  Plenty of us don’t.  There is no rhyme or reason as to why one person does and another doesn’t.  My sister lost a child and my friend needs a shidduch …is there something they did not do to deserve that?  Sometimes we pray and take on things, but it doesn’t automatically make what we want to happen, happen.  It’s much more complex than that.

I do think your argument for a woman covering her hair for all the modesty/strength reasons are totally right on.

And I apologize if I offended you, that is not my intent…it’s just hard to see such an emotional issue broken down to something you can change by just doing this or that.

I do think your argument for a woman covering her hair for all the modesty/strength reasons are totally right on.

And I apologize if I offended you, that is not my intent…it’s just hard to see such an emotional issue broken down to something you can change by just doing this or that.

It was a very interesting video and gave me a lot to think on and pray on.  My world did change when i chose to start covering my hair back in March, and i’m not Jewish (as i’m sure you remember ;)  )  People began to see ME somehow, listen to ME and what i had to say.  I encourage women, no matter what faith, to just try it for 30 days and see what happens in her life.  I had intended to cover for the 40 days of the Christian Lent, and here it is mid-October and I realize I have been covering for only 8 months.  It feels like forever, and home, and right.

 

Oh this is so so beautiful, thank you.  And your words (especially at the end) are so true.  I hope that all women will realize that not only will they not need to look like everyone else… but they will not WANT to.  I hope that not only will women be okay with having their covered in public, that they will LOVE it!

And definitely choked up during the video.  Thank you for posting :)

And definitely choked up during the video. Thank you for posting ūüôā

Nicely written! The video was a bit like  woah, weird cult thing and i was praying she would have a baby afterwards coz it would have been worse if she had n’t, ..and the end i choked up! Powerful stuff!

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