**** This video appeared on Facebook and isn’t linkable on the blog
So you saw the video. So what more can I add. Life is an amazing roller coaster. One day I’m in Israel praying under the stars for clarity, the next week I’m in Baltimore wincing my eyes from the flash of light I receive.
I feel like the guy who retires at 70 and can’t remember all the things he used to love. There’s a whole range of emotions that go along with change. Part of me wants to revel in them. I want to feel every fear. I want to tell you about how I totally don’t have it all worked out yet. But the other part of me doesn’t want to go there.
I’ve always been complex. That’s’ what I like to call it anyway. Loved ones used to call it over analyzing. Anyway, the temptation to analyze is there. But in another sense I know that I was given a huge gift. My prayers were answered on more levels than I can count and to fuss about it would be ungrateful. and even, I would say, a lack of faith.
My faith tells me that I a baby in her mothers arms. I’m being carried. Things may look unfamiliar. (Help, where’s the whole organization I helped to build?!) Things may be scary ( Who am I now?) But ultimately, they’re awesome.
Father “Why don’t you put the suitcase down?”
Son ” Because I want to help the horses.”
Needs no explanation. We don’t have to “carry’ whats already being carried.
These crazy fears tickling my stomach are not even the real topic.
Lets talk about the real topic for a minute. The real topic is motherhood.
I’m looking forward to posting about all the magic little ways I’m getting my motherhood back. Today, I hung out in my 16 year old’s room for 45 minutes! And before that I sat by my 8 year old for half an hour before bedtime. And guess what – I made dinner and I remembered to make my 12 year old her dermatologist appointment.
I spoke to three of my sisters this week without needing to jump off the phone because I had so much work piled up.
I have a lot of relationships to catch up on.
I realize that for most people reading this – not working is not even an option. For me, it wasn’t either. But when it was time – it all worked out. That’s how these things are. There’s a spiritual timeline for everything. I was also doing the kind of work that wasn’t an office job, it was a 24/7 mission. I love my WOW people so much, I’ll still be in touch with them – but the responsibility was huge.
Tonight my 8 year old was on a rant about school when I put her to bed. Right in the middle she stopped and I thought she conked out. Ten minutes later she pipes up. I said “Hu? I thought you were sleeping.” “No, ” she said, ” I was davening (praying.)”
But then she said “But now I”m opening my eyes and my prayers aren’t answered.
I said “Neshama, prayers are like planting seeds. From the moment you plant them they begin to grow. It takes a while before you see all that growth on the surface, but its happening.”
And that’s where Wrapunzel comes in. I began selling tichels a year ago.I knew people wanted them and I sold a lot from home. Women would come over to get help tying tichels, but it was just a small side passion. And now here we are and this amazing woman name Andrea moved around the corner and all the possibilities just fell into place. I love the work and I can give the kids all the time they need. I feel so free and grateful. In the next post I’ll tell you all about how it got started Love, Rivka Malka