I learned a while ago about hisbodidus, spending time in personal prayer with G-d. And for the longest time I would take a daily meditative walk. I walked every day.
I can’t stand the snow, and I can’t stand the cold but the winter was the best. I would spend the first half of the walk marveling that I was even out there! ” Thank You G-d!”
I don’t know the first time I skipped a day, but you know how you can exercise for two months and then your routine goes down the drain? It was kind of like that. My daily walks slowly became weekly walks.
Then maybe weekly.
But this morning, I was ready for a change. I was sick of feeling so disconnected. I got home from carpool, closed my car and closed off any other thoughts besides “walk feet walk”.
About two steps later I was in the zone; enjoying the fresh air; It was perfect! I felt vibrant, alive, happy! I found myself looking forward to the next part of my once wonderful routine – sitting down to my morning prayers.
As I started getting close to my house, there was my daughter outside on the steps, still home, an hour after school started! I felt my adrenaline rush. I’d thought the “morning” was over and it was “my time”
As gently as I could (I really tried!) I ushered her out the door.
My happy bubble was about to burst. Suddenly I was tired and I just wanted to sit down with a cup of coffee. And weren’t there a couple of Facebook messages I needed to return?
Amazing, how you can be so energized and then so NOT. It’s all about honesty, and honestly, my laptop was already tugging at me.
But I was in active resistance! I knew I‘d feel so much better about my day if I just took some time to pray and didn’t give in to that voice that was telling me, “it’s getting late – you have to move on your day!”
So I sat down and prayed, and within moments I felt myself relax, a sense of rightness filled me.
I had a flashback.
This morning, driving my son to school I’d said to him.
“Today is special!” He said “why?”
I said “Because it’s today! Because we’re here, because we’re alive. There are thousands of people who didn’t wake up today and we did! ( a little morbid for 7 am but true!)
I reminded him about this awesome idea that a Jew in Hebrew is a Yehudi – literally a Thanker. That’s what we’re about. Being grateful, knowing how lucky we are.
The other day I asked the guy behind the checkout counter “How’s your day going?”
He said “Good. I woke up, didn’t I?”
Wo! That knocked me over!
I’ll tell you the truth, its 4 hours later and I still feel amazing ! My day has been one excellent surprise after another and the joy of connecting – not to the internet – but to G-d first thing in the morning, is still with me.
And here’s how gratefulness and my morning come together. Connecting with G-d, talking to Him is not only a sign of gratefulness – it makes me grateful. How am I supposed to thank Him, serve Him, feel His love, if I don’t make a little time to notice what He’s done for me?