…”In your minds eye, see the door at the end of the hallway. You want to go through it. It beckons you. Walk through the doorway. See that it leads to a set of stairs. You decide to go down the staircase. down, down, there, you find yourself at a beautiful landing. Look around, appreciate the wonder, feel the air and get a sense of the beauty there.
Now go down deeper, down the next step of stairs, and there you find an exquisite place. the scenery is breathtaking, the air gives you comfort. Everything is beautiful. Ask to be shown what it is you need to know….
Back on my couch with Esther Wiener; doing work that I began to help a child of mine who is struggling. After all, mother and daughter are connected, and my daughter’s healing has very much to do with me.
She began with something I can only call a hypnosis. I went down so deep I didn’t feel my body. Time and space contracted, until all that was real was what I saw in my mind’s eye.
And so I stood there, in that scene with the rolling hills and the warm wind and I asked, “Show me what I need to see.”
In truth, I didn’t really need to ask, because when I went down, it was already there – the whole scene playing out before me.
A scene from my happy childhood. Only in this scene I wasn’t happy. I was very sad. I watched my little self with a kind of compassionate awareness.
“Off to the side, you see a bench, and someone is on it. Someone very wise, who you can ask all your questions to. You go over to the bench and sit beside them to ask, to unburden.”
I walked over to the being, a gentle being, and I had a sense that it was there just for me.
I felt the pain unleash.
“Why?” Why did it have to be this way?”
“They knew no other way.”
“But it caused me so much pain! It hurt so much!”
“Yes, childhood has its pains. All childhoods do. You needed that pain.”
“So now you can help others to not experience it.”
Lightness. Clarity. – It wasn’t just because, it was for a reason. And I had a mission. I had a message to bring to people!
I felt released from years of weight. All anger dissipated. I was so buoyant that I turned around and began to fly away to begin my mission.
In the background I heard Esther say “… Thank the being for all that its taught you and then begin on your way.”
I turned around embarrassed.”I didn’t even thank you! [I was just ready to take the gift you gave me and run with it!] What’s your name?”
“Its okay, I understand you meant well, you were excited to do good. “My name is Unconditional Love.”
For a moment, the earth stood still. Then the waves came. They knocked me over with their brilliant clarity, their rightness, my smallness. Everything I understood up until that point was nothing.
Life as it seemed wasn’t even the surface of the surface of reality. It was maybe a shell, or rather a husk, easily blown away to reveal its true essence.
Love. unconditional love.
Even in my subconscious I knew I hadn’t met G-d . You can’t meet G-d – or can you?
It suddenly seemed possible. After all, what’s the sunlight? What’s are trees? What are children? What are tears? What are friendships and struggles and breathe itself. It’s all G-d.
It’s all Hashem, pouring abundant, endless, unconditional, compassionate love on every single thing, down to the smallest blade of grass peeking out from the crack in the sidewalk.
And the mitzvos, they’re also love. Keys to the secret of happiness. A gift. A treasure.
And then, it wasn’t a being anymore, not a beard or a robe – even that was a husk. There was light, only brilliant light. And I knew that the Light wanted me, us, to take that love, fill up with it and overflow with it to the world.
Reflect it. Copy it. Shine with it. Enjoy it. Be it.
When I came back up, back to my fingers and toes, back to my couch, I had a sense of connection that I’ve been carrying with me since.
Is a blog a place to share this – the deepest depths of my thoughts?
I don’t think so. But what else can I do?
I can speak philosophy and quote verses that say “Just as G-d is merciful, you be merciful.” and many more. It’s all in the Torah, none of this is new. But I found out today that it’s all in us too. I need to tell you that it’s not about religion, its reality! And I need to share that with you.
There’s so much love being showered down on all of us every moment, and my heart tells me “Yell it on the mountains!” Tell the world! The love brings comfort. The love gives us strength. You are loved. You are seen.
You are seen.
That’s all I have to say. That’s all I can say. I hope you feel the rest.
G-d bless the world – no exceptions.